When my husband and I first decided that we wanted children, I wondered how we were going to go about it. I knew the first step was going off birth control for a few months but I wasn't sure if I could handle having intercourse or if we should just aim for a splash pregnancy. For those wondering, it is 100% possible to become pregnant with vaginismus. On the TV Show Scrubs there is an episode were the main character, J.D., impregnates his girlfriend even though they don’t have intercourse: Carla: I’m sorry J.D. but you knew this could happen when you had sex. *If you want to watch the clip, here is a link to a YouTube channel that is sharing it: This example is similar to a Splash Pregnancy. A splash pregnancy is when the male ejaculates semen as close as possible to the vaginal opening without any actual penetration. This can happen both intentionally as well as accidentally. If the semen makes it to the vaginal areas there is a chance of getting pregnant. If penetration is at all possible and ejaculation happens within the first or second layers of the vagina, the chances of getting pregnant are even higher.
I became pregnant, not by a splash pregnancy, but by tolerating an amount of penetration and having my husband ejaculate inside of me. I won't lie, the penetration part was painful. I've never had pain-free intercourse. When I want to attempt intercourse it is a painful and slow process. Even with lube and lidocaine gel (numbing gel) it takes about 20 minutes for him just to make it through the first and second layers of my vagina. The only position that works for us is him being on top while I'm laying on my back. This allows for my body to have the best chance at relaxation techniques as well as optimum vaginal opening with my vaginismus. My vaginal and pelvic floor muscles need time to relax/attempt to stop contracting while he is inside of me. It is a challenge to stay "in the moment/mood" while being in pain. My poor vagina burns, stings, aches, and shoots sharp pains everywhere. Although my husband is barley moving, he still feels my vaginal muscles involuntarily contracting all around him. The stimulation is enough to cause him to orgasm and ejaculate. Luckily, by the time he is ready, he has made it to my third vaginal layer. The only times I've had an orgasm with intercourse is when he makes it to this third layer of my vagina and ejaculates inside of me. This extra lube allows for my muscles to finally calm down and allow for slow thrusting movements from him. At this point, I'm finally able to concentrate on some pleasure and push most of the pain to the back of mind. Afterwards, my body is sore and my mind is exhausted. My vagina continues to ache for about an hour after penetration has stopped and I usually have to sit on an ice pack to soothe my pelvic floor muscles. Emotionally I am tired, but extremely proud of myself for being able to have an orgasm from intercourse. When I'm ready to attempt intercourse, which isn't often, most of the time we don't make it as far as described above. My mind is ready to try, my confidence is high, but my vagina and body say NO. It is very frustrating to have such little control over my body when it tells me, "not today." Thankfully, I have the world's most amazing and understanding husband. He stops any kind of penetration when my body just isn't going to let us go very far and we go back to stimulating each other without penetration. I truly love my non-penetration sex life, but I yearn to be able to have pain-free intercourse like a "normal" person. Sometimes I just want to shout to everyone who can hear me that I have vaginismus. There is a great pull between not wanting to share my sexual disorder with people I'm not close with and wanting everyone to know so that they don't just assume things. For those few around me that know about my sexual disorder, they have an understanding about how much MORE anxiety I have about getting my cervix checked for dilation when I go into labor. For everyone else who does not know that I have vaginismus, they just say that checking for dilation is "no big deal, its like getting a routine pap smear". At those moments I just smile and say "yup". However, I always have this nagging urge to just say, "actually, getting a pap smear is a BIG deal. It is excruciating and has not yet worked. They had to do a "blind" pap smear when I first got pregnant and I barley made it through that. Checking for dilation and giving birth is very stressful. I have a sexual disorder and I'm scared". I'd like to say that when my husband and I decided to get pregnant that I fully enjoyed having intercourse and was able to do so by first overcoming vaginismus. The truth is, however, I was in pain for about 3/4 of the time while trying to make a baby. I wish I wasn't, but that is not reality. I have not overcome my vaginismus yet, but I'm very happy that we decided to try to get pregnant anyways. We could have just aimed for a splash pregnancy, but I wanted to try via intercourse. My husband and I are both fertile so getting pregnant by splash pregnancy would have probably worked for us after a few tries. Someday, I hope to be able to enjoy intercourse to the fullest potential. Until then, I'll keep trying when my body allows me to. I have an extremely supportive, understanding, and loving partner to be on this journey with and I couldn't be more happier or thankful. -Key
2 Comments
KC
2/5/2020 07:18:23 am
Wow ! Thanks for writing this article. I have been suffering from it too and wanting to get in touch with other people experiencing it. Is it possible to get in touch with you. I have few questions
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Key
7/13/2020 06:01:40 pm
Sure! You can always email me at [email protected]
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About Key:Mid-twenties, first time mom, loving wife, vaginismus patient, hamster parent. Archives
February 2018
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